How will my siblings deal with my terminal diagnosis?

How they might feel and act

Lots of brothers and sisters – though it’s nobody’s fault – end up feeling side-lined when their sibling has a serious illness. Your parents or carers will have had lots on their plate since you were first diagnosed. It’s likely usual routines will have gone out the window and they might be feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. They might not have much energy or time left to spend with your sibling in the way they usually would. It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours either, but this makes some brothers and sisters feel out of the loop or that they need to be strong and support your parents.

This kind of responsibility can be difficult to deal with when you’re young. Although they might seem like they’re ok on the outside, they could be struggling to deal with everything. It can also make them behave out of character. Teenagers aren’t always able to deal with such massive life events and it’s fairly normal for them to take more risks or throw themselves into social stuff or hobbies as their way of dealing. It can obviously be upsetting for you though, especially if you feel like they aren’t talking or there’s distance between you.

What you can do

Just spending time together can be really important for you both. It doesn’t need to be anything special – just watching a series or hanging out can help you bond or give you opportunities to talk to each other about stuff. You might feel you can say things to each other that you couldn’t share with your parents and you might become, or already be, an important source of strength and support.

It’s also really, really important that they get the support they need too. They might feel more comfortable sharing how they feel with someone who’s on the outside of the situation. You could suggest to them, your parents or your social worker that they speak privately with a member of you care team about what’s happening, or that they get in touch with someone from an organisation that could help.

We’ve got more information and advice for siblings that you might find useful to share with them. Visit My brother or sister has cancer to see more.