Talking to my 7 year old daughter about their brain surgery

Parents and children have difficult conversations all the time, from where babies come from to why they’re not allowed to do certain things. But when your child has cancer, conversations go from being difficult to unbearable: How do you tell your child they have cancer? What do you say when they ask why they’re in hospital all the time, or why they can’t play with their friends? And what do you say if a child asks if they’re going to die?

Throughout September’s Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, the UK’s leading cancer charity for children and young people, Young Lives vs Cancer is asking people to show their support for children with cancer and their families as they share the hardest conversations they have faced during treatment and beyond. Families like Kara’s; her mum Laura will never forget when she had to tell her seven-year-old daughter she needed an operation to remove a tumour from her brain.

The charity will also be highlighting how its social workers help children with cancer and their families through the hardest conversations such as helping children understand what’s being said about their cancer and what’s planned.

Kara (7) was having headaches but was well enough to go to school. Her mum Laura took her to the optician as she thought she might need glasses, but a quick eye check showed abnormal swelling at the back of her eyes. She was admitted to the Royal Hospital for Children in Glasgow, and her parents were told Kara would need an operation within days to remove a tumour the size of a golf ball in her brain.

Kara’s mum Laura said: “During those few days we were trying to figure out how we were going to explain to Kara, who had never had any health issues apart from common colds and chickenpox, that she was going to be put to sleep and have her head cut open.

“We were told the best thing to do was to be honest with her. We couldn’t not tell her because she’d be so traumatised if we sent her down to theatre and she woke up with a big bandage on her head and a massive scar.

“Me and her dad had no idea how to tell her, we didn’t know how to explain it to ourselves let alone explaining it to a seven-year-old.  We tried to make it as simple as it could possibly be for her. We didn’t want to traumatise her.  The conversation wasn’t something we did in one go, we didn’t sit down and explain it all, we did it over a bit of time. We had small conversations so we didn’t overwhelm her. It was a conversation we never ever thought we’d have to have with our child. We’re still in disbelief that this is happening to our daughter.

“On morning of her surgery, she woke and said ‘I’m getting my head cut open today aren’t I?’, and I said yes, and she asked if it was the only way they could get it out, and I said it was, and she seemed OK with it.

“We’ve had other conversations along the way which were hard. She’s got a feeding tube fitted now, and that was a difficult one. As well as telling her about the big C and what treatment was going to be.   The difficult conversations don’t go away when you’re having treatment for cancer”. 

The family are being supported by Young Lives vs Cancer Social Worker Leslie-Anne, who first got in touch when Kara was diagnosed. Laura said: “She has sorted so many things for us, like applying for all the different grants we were entitled to. I’d never have known where to start in a million years. I know that if I ever need to talk to someone or need advice, she’s there. The support we’ve had has been outstanding.”

Rachel Kirby-Rider, Young Lives vs Cancer’s Chief Executive, said: “It’s hard to even imagine the conversations that children with cancer and their families like Kara’s are having day in day out. Our social workers help them face those conversations. They tailor their support for each family, they can provide a safe space if a parent needs to talk about their worst fears, give a parent a children’s story book to explain treatment to a young child or their sibling, or have a difficult conversation on behalf of a family. They are there to help a child with cancer to find the words to express how they feel, and make sure the people closest to them can be by their side and help them find the strength and resilience to face the trauma of cancer.   

“Childhood Cancer Awareness Month is an opportunity for all of us to listen to the experiences of children with cancer and their families, and show our support.

“I also want to say a huge thank you to our amazing supporters fundraising and volunteering for us throughout Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Their incredible effects mean we’re able to be there for families like Kara’s.”

Show your support this Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Throughout Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, people can show their support for families like Kara’s facing cancer by buying a Young Lives vs Cancer gold ribbon pin badge. The badges are available at Young Lives vs Cancer charity shops and J D Wetherspoon pubs, or order one online at https://shop.younglivesvscancer.org.uk/ for a suggested £1 donation.

Supporters can also take part in Challenge60 – and fundraise by completing 60 miles throughout the month anyway they like. From walking, running, cycling or even hopping, supporters will take on the distance of the average 60-mile round trip it takes for a child to travel to hospital for life-saving cancer treatment. 

You can find more information about Childhood Cancer Awareness Month or make a donation at  www.younglivesvscancer.org.uk/join-our-fight/childhood-cancer-awareness-month